Get your boobs off my donut

So this morning I hitched a ride with my friend (well, I don't know if you can really call him a friend per-se, he's my ex-husband), who was telling me about how excited he was to go to this new donut shop to have coffee. I was really only half listening, until I heard, boobs. I was like, eh, what? Apparently, it's a topless donut shop he's going to. I don't think that this was thought all the way through.

First off, aren't there inherent health risks with this? Not only for the bare-chested women who run the very real risk of burning their boobs on hot coffee (hello? ouch), but also for the customers. What happens when the waitresses' boobs touch the food? I don't know if boobs carry any more germs than hands do, and I'd like to think that most people wash their hands before serving food, do these waitresses wash their boobs just in case? Or like what if they bend over the counter and if their boobs aren't all fake and perky, their boob grazes the donuts? I'd be like, uh, get your boobs off my donut. It's like when Chris took me to Hooters for our first date (yes, he really took me to Hooters for our first date), the waitress was like fucking SITTING on our table, like kinda perched on the edge taking our order. I was like, uh, get your ass off my table. Chris was like, aww, don't get upset, I don't mind. I was like, yeah, I bet you don't.

Just like you don't mind getting ass germs on your table for the price of chicken wings at Hooters, I suppose the running the risk of donut contamination by boobs is worth it if you get to see naked boobs for the price of a cup of coffee. I like my food uncontaminated and boob and ass free, but that's just me.