Remember that time that I caught the paper towels on fire in the kitchen and you just smiled said, “let’s eat out”?
Remember when we went to Charleston and saw the wooly mammoth that was really a pigmy pony but was seriously the dumbest looking animal on the planet?
Remember when we ran out of oil and huddled together with our hats and mittens on watching Sex and the City?
Remember when the crazy old couple that lived downstairs tried to attack me and you threatened them with a broom?
Remember when my flight got delayed and I spent the day in the airport lounge drinking cosmopolitans and you had to guide me through the terminals over the phone because I was so lost?
Remember when you took me to the Rocky Horror Picture Show when I had pneumonia and sang all the songs and did all the dances for me because I couldn’t?
Remember when I told you I wouldn’t ever forgive you, and you jumped in the snow bank in your underwear to prove you were really, really sorry?
Remember when you tried to put an ice cube down my shirt and you totally missed and it hit me in the nose?
Remember the cockroaches and “deadbolts” at the Master’s Inn?
Remember when I farted and told you that I had been especially gassy and you laughed and asked me to marry you?
You’re still the most fun person I’ve ever met, and make me laugh like no one else can. So here’s to all the “remember whens” we’ve had and all the ones we will have. Like lamb and tuna fish, baby.
July 1 marks the time that Chris and I got together, neither of us know the actual date, just that it's in July, and that it's been 5 kick ass years.
Showing posts with label smushy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label smushy. Show all posts
Keith Olbermann ruined my movie
School vacation typically means a long week with lots of yelling, bickering and crying, and that's to say nothing about the way the kids act. This vacation has been totally different, it's been a real vacation. I haven't had a kid at home since Saturday night. They've been with their dad all week, spending quality time and such. At first Chris and I didn't know what do with ourselves. We cleaned, did the laundry,we rearranged cabinets, drawers, closets. We've vacuumed, dusted mopped and scrubbed. Monday we sat and watched tv until about 9:00 when we went to bed. Tuesday we watched more tv, and ate a pathetic peanut butter and fluff sandwich for dinner. Finally yesterday afternoon, we were like No kids? How often does this happen? It's really meant as a rhetorical question, but I'll go ahead and answer: Never. Ever. One of the kids is home at least part of the day every day, even on their dad's weekend to take them. So we stopped acting like senior citizens and went on a date. We hadn't been on a real date since Chris took me to Hooters like 4 years ago.
So he picked me up after work and took me to Olive Garden for dinner. Then we went to a movie, State of Play. The last movie I saw in theatres was Kung Foo Panda, so this was really a treat. We went all out, we had the $57 bucket of popcorn, a vat of Diet Coke and Scrooge McDuck even sprang for cookie dough bites. The movie was pretty good, it was one of those smart thrillers that you really better be paying attention to, or you'll miss the whole plot. It would've been better if Keith Olbermann hadn't ruined it. It had Ben Affleck, who played a Congressman involved in a scandal. I kept trying not to laugh at his dramatic scenes. He was all brow furrowed, enunciating words, getting all angry, just like he did on Saturday Night Live when he was parodying Keith Olbermann's Special Comment. Keith Olbermann is the host of Countdown on MSNBC, I like him a lot, and I watch him all the time, he's sometimes obnoxious, and Ben Affleck nailed it in the skit. Anyway, it was all I could do to not see that skit every time Ben Affleck's part of the story. It was really annoying, because there I am sitting in the theatre, the music gets louder, you know that it's going to be a part that is all dramatic and important. Yeah. Here's all I could see.
So thanks to Keith Olbermann my movie was totally ruined because I couldn't stop giggling. Well not totally ruined because I still had my chocolate covered cookie dough bites...
So he picked me up after work and took me to Olive Garden for dinner. Then we went to a movie, State of Play. The last movie I saw in theatres was Kung Foo Panda, so this was really a treat. We went all out, we had the $57 bucket of popcorn, a vat of Diet Coke and Scrooge McDuck even sprang for cookie dough bites. The movie was pretty good, it was one of those smart thrillers that you really better be paying attention to, or you'll miss the whole plot. It would've been better if Keith Olbermann hadn't ruined it. It had Ben Affleck, who played a Congressman involved in a scandal. I kept trying not to laugh at his dramatic scenes. He was all brow furrowed, enunciating words, getting all angry, just like he did on Saturday Night Live when he was parodying Keith Olbermann's Special Comment. Keith Olbermann is the host of Countdown on MSNBC, I like him a lot, and I watch him all the time, he's sometimes obnoxious, and Ben Affleck nailed it in the skit. Anyway, it was all I could do to not see that skit every time Ben Affleck's part of the story. It was really annoying, because there I am sitting in the theatre, the music gets louder, you know that it's going to be a part that is all dramatic and important. Yeah. Here's all I could see.
So thanks to Keith Olbermann my movie was totally ruined because I couldn't stop giggling. Well not totally ruined because I still had my chocolate covered cookie dough bites...
Well isn't that special
So today I was on Facebook taking yet another one of their quizes. Today's was Who Would Be Your Celebrity Boyfriend? Sounds fun. So I take the quiz and my result is Colin Farrell. So I said to Chris, my celebrity boyfriend would be Colin Farrell. Does that surprise you? He says, not really, you're both badasses. Interesting. I said, True, but I married you, so what does that say? He thinks about it for a second and says, that I'm more badass than you expected? PFFFFFFFFFFFFT. I respond with a snort, If you're a badass, I'm the Church Lady. He says, well you do go to church on Sunday...
Ok seriously. What the fuck? I'm so NOT the Church Lady. Yes. I go to church. And yes, I like it. No, I'm not the God-less heathen y'all thought I was. If that somehow makes me less badass, well screw you. I still swear like a motherfucking trucker (nothing like a little gratuitous swearing to prove my point). Sure I bake cookies for the neighborhood children, care for sick kittens and read to the blind, but I'm still a total badass. Okay, I really dislike other people's children and wouldn't bake cookies for them for fear that they'd come back for seconds. I don't really care for sick kittens, I don't really like cats. And I don't really read to the blind, because that's kinda what they have audiobooks for. Clearly I'm still a badass.
Chris, in all his badassery is scared to get a tattoo. He says he's not scared, he says he just hasn't found the perfect design yet. I say he's scared as hell. I have 3 tattoos, it's not scary. He went with me to get the one on my wrist and was watching with complete fascination, asking constantly, doesn't that hurt? Well yeah dummy, it's a needle poking ink into my wrist, what do you think? When it was his turn, he was all, No, no. I didn't mean I was getting one TODAY, I was just looking. Yeah, sure. Here's what maybe you didn't know about Chris.
1. He's a staunch Southern conservative republican. Not very badass.
2. He's was educated in a private Christian school. He took AP (advanced placement) calculus...FOR FUN. He got a 1320 on his SATs. Not very badass.
3. The first time I met him he was wearing a white and green polo shirt tucked into pleated khaki pants. Does that sound very badass to you?
Granted, he's changed a lot since I first met him, and I've burned all of his pleated pants, but he's still not a badass. He's funny, sarcastic, witty, snarky, he makes me laugh every single day, he's the most fun person in the world to be around, he's a great dad and my best friend, but he's NOT a badass.
P.S. Like that? How I turned it around at the end and got all aww I totally didn't see that sweetness at the end coming! Yeah, that's why I'll be having a steak dinner with a side of shopping for something sparkly and you'll be sitting at home watching American Idol on DVR while your husband snores in the chair. I'm just that good.
Ok seriously. What the fuck? I'm so NOT the Church Lady. Yes. I go to church. And yes, I like it. No, I'm not the God-less heathen y'all thought I was. If that somehow makes me less badass, well screw you. I still swear like a motherfucking trucker (nothing like a little gratuitous swearing to prove my point). Sure I bake cookies for the neighborhood children, care for sick kittens and read to the blind, but I'm still a total badass. Okay, I really dislike other people's children and wouldn't bake cookies for them for fear that they'd come back for seconds. I don't really care for sick kittens, I don't really like cats. And I don't really read to the blind, because that's kinda what they have audiobooks for. Clearly I'm still a badass.
Chris, in all his badassery is scared to get a tattoo. He says he's not scared, he says he just hasn't found the perfect design yet. I say he's scared as hell. I have 3 tattoos, it's not scary. He went with me to get the one on my wrist and was watching with complete fascination, asking constantly, doesn't that hurt? Well yeah dummy, it's a needle poking ink into my wrist, what do you think? When it was his turn, he was all, No, no. I didn't mean I was getting one TODAY, I was just looking. Yeah, sure. Here's what maybe you didn't know about Chris.
1. He's a staunch Southern conservative republican. Not very badass.
2. He's was educated in a private Christian school. He took AP (advanced placement) calculus...FOR FUN. He got a 1320 on his SATs. Not very badass.
3. The first time I met him he was wearing a white and green polo shirt tucked into pleated khaki pants. Does that sound very badass to you?
Granted, he's changed a lot since I first met him, and I've burned all of his pleated pants, but he's still not a badass. He's funny, sarcastic, witty, snarky, he makes me laugh every single day, he's the most fun person in the world to be around, he's a great dad and my best friend, but he's NOT a badass.
P.S. Like that? How I turned it around at the end and got all aww I totally didn't see that sweetness at the end coming! Yeah, that's why I'll be having a steak dinner with a side of shopping for something sparkly and you'll be sitting at home watching American Idol on DVR while your husband snores in the chair. I'm just that good.
Not smoking makes you love sick and delusional.
On January 1, at 12:01, Chris and I were officially in wedded bliss for 2 years. Maybe not wedded bliss, but when you get to spend the rest of your life with your best friend, you feel pretty damn lucky. I was telling Chris last night that part of the insanity of our marriage is that we don't make sense...at all. We're total opposites in just about every way. But there in lies the fun. I think I'd get bored if we were the same. Chris never ever bores me, and I get bored pretty easy. Drives me crazy maybe, but never bores me, and honestly I love to be with him. It's funny because on New Year's Eve, we were at my mom's house with my Aunt Joni, Uncle Gary, Michaela, and Gary's nephew Chris. Well, someone decided that the men had to watch football in the den and the women were going to watch sappy romance movies in the living room. Chris and I were like pffft. It's our anniversary damnit, we're going to be together. So we tried to sit in the living room and ignore the direct orders to change the channel. Then there was this whining about football still being on tv when there were so many great movies we'd seen a million times on, so my mom came in and changed the channel and Chris was banished to the den. I spent the better part of the next 2 hours walking back and forth feeling guilty. Luckily I had some Mike's Hard Lemonade to keep me company, because holy crap it sucked. We were watching "My Best Friend's Wedding", which I've seen about 15345674641 times. Chris was watching football in the den with the guys with the freaking window open (it was a balmy -2 degrees outside), so sitting with them wasn't an option unless I wanted to freeze to death.
After the movie ended, they were looking for a another movie and were like ooooo, "Pride and Prejudice"! I was like, oh HELL no. You've tortured me long enough. So I got Chris and I was like, time to go home, so done with this. He wanted to finish his beer first, which gave my mother ample time to guilt me into staying. Chris came out like 15 minutes later with his jacket on, and I was like, yeah...we're staying. So it's about 10:30 at this point. And Joni's like, we'll watch something else, you're more important the the movie. So that was good for about 7 seconds...until we started watching "Maid in Manhattan". C'mon. Seriously? You're killing me here. That was it for me. I watched tv with Chris and the guys for the rest of the night. I had to wrap up in a blanket and tuck my feet under Chris' legs for fear that hypothermia would take over and I'd lose my limbs to eventual gangrene, but it was better than the chick flick marathon in the other room. The kids came in at midnight, did the countdown and stuff, which was nice. Anyway, all this was leading up to my original point, that I really enjoy spending time with Chris. During the whole banishment thing, I was getting kinda irritated and I was like, doesn't it bother you that your husbands are in the other room on New Year's Eve? Joni was looked at me like I was crazy and was like, no? She explained that she doesn't need to like all the same things as Gary, and enjoys doing separate things some times. I can totally understand that, and know that it's like that for most people. And maybe it's just the "my anniversary was less than 24 hours ago" perspective, but that sucks. While I don't share all of Chris' interests (actually very few), and although I love Cowboys football, most other football wears on me after awhile, and I'd really rather watch We tv than ESPN, I'd be content watching grass grow if it meant being with Chris. Corny? Totally. And don't forget sappy, cheesy and barf-tastic. But 110% true. He's my best friend, and if we weren't married, I'd still want to be with him all the time. He's the funniest person I know, and is genuinely just one of those really cool people that everyone wants to be around. I'm just lucky that I get to. Now that I've sufficiently gushed and fawned, and given Chris ample ammo to tease me mercilessly, I can start my day.
We're doing the whole resolution thing. Quit smoking, lose weight, go to the gym, etc. I'm writing this as I have my 3rd cup of coffee...and it's 6:40 in the morning. It's my last great vice, and if anyone tries to take it from me, I may break their arms, rip them off their body and beat them with the bloody stumps. Oh see, now that was mean. I was all I'm in love and it's wonderful and now I'm all bloody stumps and stuff. That's what too much caffeine and a lack of nicotine will do to you though.
After the movie ended, they were looking for a another movie and were like ooooo, "Pride and Prejudice"! I was like, oh HELL no. You've tortured me long enough. So I got Chris and I was like, time to go home, so done with this. He wanted to finish his beer first, which gave my mother ample time to guilt me into staying. Chris came out like 15 minutes later with his jacket on, and I was like, yeah...we're staying. So it's about 10:30 at this point. And Joni's like, we'll watch something else, you're more important the the movie. So that was good for about 7 seconds...until we started watching "Maid in Manhattan". C'mon. Seriously? You're killing me here. That was it for me. I watched tv with Chris and the guys for the rest of the night. I had to wrap up in a blanket and tuck my feet under Chris' legs for fear that hypothermia would take over and I'd lose my limbs to eventual gangrene, but it was better than the chick flick marathon in the other room. The kids came in at midnight, did the countdown and stuff, which was nice. Anyway, all this was leading up to my original point, that I really enjoy spending time with Chris. During the whole banishment thing, I was getting kinda irritated and I was like, doesn't it bother you that your husbands are in the other room on New Year's Eve? Joni was looked at me like I was crazy and was like, no? She explained that she doesn't need to like all the same things as Gary, and enjoys doing separate things some times. I can totally understand that, and know that it's like that for most people. And maybe it's just the "my anniversary was less than 24 hours ago" perspective, but that sucks. While I don't share all of Chris' interests (actually very few), and although I love Cowboys football, most other football wears on me after awhile, and I'd really rather watch We tv than ESPN, I'd be content watching grass grow if it meant being with Chris. Corny? Totally. And don't forget sappy, cheesy and barf-tastic. But 110% true. He's my best friend, and if we weren't married, I'd still want to be with him all the time. He's the funniest person I know, and is genuinely just one of those really cool people that everyone wants to be around. I'm just lucky that I get to. Now that I've sufficiently gushed and fawned, and given Chris ample ammo to tease me mercilessly, I can start my day.
We're doing the whole resolution thing. Quit smoking, lose weight, go to the gym, etc. I'm writing this as I have my 3rd cup of coffee...and it's 6:40 in the morning. It's my last great vice, and if anyone tries to take it from me, I may break their arms, rip them off their body and beat them with the bloody stumps. Oh see, now that was mean. I was all I'm in love and it's wonderful and now I'm all bloody stumps and stuff. That's what too much caffeine and a lack of nicotine will do to you though.
Deep thoughts
I had a dream the other night that really got me thinking. I dreamed about my brother and I when we were kids. It was about a specific event, one that actually happened: I had a friend sleep over and we spent the whole evening teasing my brother, hitting him in the head with books, just doing all those mean things that sisters do. But the weird thing was, I was there, watching the younger me do all these things. My brother ran by older me, happy and absolutely giddy that he had my attention...even if it was me being mean to him. He always wanted to be with me, and at the time, I couldn't be bothered. I reached out to him, wanting desperately to tell him how much I really did love him, and to apologize for always tormenting him, but I couldn't grab him, my hands were invisible, and he see me or hear what I was saying. I woke up, so sad. I know my brother knows I love him, he and I are good now. We're closer than ever. And I know that siblings fight and make up, but I couldn't figure out why I'd had that dream then, and what it meant.
So this morning, I spent the morning helping my cousin move her things our of her ex's house. As I was watching her entire life get packed up and put into trucks, it all clicked. My cousin (Michaela) and I grew up together like sisters. We were always together, did EVERYTHING together, fought like sisters, the whole deal (we're only a year apart in age). Then we got into high school and really drifted apart. She's gone through hell and back in the last few months, and I've been trying "to be there" for her. What struck me today was, that's just not enough.
See, my whole life (up to a few years ago), I've pushed people away, done my own thing, decided that my problems were more important than other people's. I may not be able to go back in time and tell the people that I hurt that I love them, but I CAN tell them today. I can be the person I should've been all along. I can be a friend and a shoulder to cry on for my cousin and my friend. I can help her put one foot in front of the other again. I know what it feels like to feel like your life is falling apart, and not even be able to reach out for help because it hurts so much.
I just sent my brother a text message, telling him that I was thinking about him and that I loved him. Michaela is coming over to hang out tonight. Maybe we do get second chances after all, hell maybe even third and fourth chances.
So this morning, I spent the morning helping my cousin move her things our of her ex's house. As I was watching her entire life get packed up and put into trucks, it all clicked. My cousin (Michaela) and I grew up together like sisters. We were always together, did EVERYTHING together, fought like sisters, the whole deal (we're only a year apart in age). Then we got into high school and really drifted apart. She's gone through hell and back in the last few months, and I've been trying "to be there" for her. What struck me today was, that's just not enough.
See, my whole life (up to a few years ago), I've pushed people away, done my own thing, decided that my problems were more important than other people's. I may not be able to go back in time and tell the people that I hurt that I love them, but I CAN tell them today. I can be the person I should've been all along. I can be a friend and a shoulder to cry on for my cousin and my friend. I can help her put one foot in front of the other again. I know what it feels like to feel like your life is falling apart, and not even be able to reach out for help because it hurts so much.
I just sent my brother a text message, telling him that I was thinking about him and that I loved him. Michaela is coming over to hang out tonight. Maybe we do get second chances after all, hell maybe even third and fourth chances.
And the Grammy goes to...
We're expecting a nasty storm this afternoon. Snow, sleet and freezing rain...a few of my favorite things. Sigh. All of the schools have closed early, so the kids will be home this afternoon early. Kat was supposed to have her concert tonight, but that's obviously a no-go. C'est la vie, my ears will be spared until the rescheduled date. I kid, Kat is not a bad singer. She usually sits next to me during church, and she has a nice singing voice...that is of course compared to me. Chris says that when I sing it sounds like someone beating a bag of cats against a wall. And while harsh, it's totally true. I can't carry a tune in a bucket.
Don't you love it though, when you're in the car and you hear a great song on the radio, and you sing along at the top of your lungs? It's one of my absolute favorite things to do. Of course, I crank the radio up to drown out my horrendous voice...but who cares? I say, sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching. It's such a freeing thing, kind of like when you were a kid and you'd put your arms out and spin around and around, spinning as fast as you could, being absolutely carefree and feeling completely alive. And if you can hold onto that feeling, your spirit will always be young and beautiful. Or at least that's what I like to think.
That's my random cheesy smushyness for the day.
Don't you love it though, when you're in the car and you hear a great song on the radio, and you sing along at the top of your lungs? It's one of my absolute favorite things to do. Of course, I crank the radio up to drown out my horrendous voice...but who cares? I say, sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching. It's such a freeing thing, kind of like when you were a kid and you'd put your arms out and spin around and around, spinning as fast as you could, being absolutely carefree and feeling completely alive. And if you can hold onto that feeling, your spirit will always be young and beautiful. Or at least that's what I like to think.
That's my random cheesy smushyness for the day.
